People sometimes think I'm a bit cold hearted or morbid when it comes to death. The reason is that my parents never sheltered me from death. I've been to more funerals than I can count. Most of them were for people I either didn't know or didn't know well. I was just there to run the sound and help out as needed setting up chairs and tables for the dinner afterwards. I will admit that I do enjoy the dinners after funerals. The food is usually awesome and it's a good chance to see people I might not have seen in quite a while. Plus, it's a good ministry to those who don't have a church home and may not be Christians. Because I've been around so many, I've even had ideas of what I'd like done at my funeral if I were to die suddenly by getting hit by a Mack truck. I also know that if I were to know my last meal were coming I'd want a milkshake from Fair Oaks Dairy. Ok, so this is a bit morbid, but death is a part of life and you can't escape it. Social network sites make it particularly hard to escape the death of a loved one.
I've had a Facebook account now for somewhere around a year now. It's something I got only grudgingly and mostly because my sister kept harassing me to do it. Part of the motivation was that I knew I would be moving soon and figured it would be a good way to keep in touch with friends since many of them were on FB already. Facebook has a feature where it looks at your profile and friends list and makes suggestions of other people you may know. Initially, almost all of my friends on FB were from Northside so it started guessing other people from NS that I might know. One of those was Rodney, one of my closest friends. This creeped me out a bit because Lil' Rod had died almost 2 years before I signed up for FB. One of his sisters keeps up with his account so that people can still friend him so I would see others I knew becoming FB friends with him.
The weird thing is that they weren't becoming friends with him, but with his account. After almost a year, I finally friended Rodney and let me tell you, it's kind of weird. People still tag him in old pictures they post, people still write notes on his wall, in some ways he still seems to be alive. It's kind of like visiting a grave or making something in memory of a person, but far more interactive and social. This was the only experience I'd had with something like this until quite recently.
About a month ago, two of our international students at Asbury died tragically in a car wreck. I didn't know the passenger, but I did know the driver, Charles. Charles and his wife, Elizabeth, often came to the library in the evenings for a little while to use the computers or to borrow a projector to watch movies on the weekend. Over the course of the school year, I got to know them a bit better. Charles friended me on Facebook and I got to see pictures from their wedding and trips to India. He even started playing a game on FB called Farmtown and I would help him out and he'd work on my farm (I know, it's cheesy, but it's like a social version of SimFarm). He'd sometimes e-mail me tech questions which I rarely knew the answer too but would find out for him. He even invited me and a few others over for a game night, but I couldn't attend because of work. The car accident happened just 2 days before their planned game night. It also happened about 12 hours after I had last talked with him and played on FarmTown with him. It was a shock to say the least. But then the most amazing thing happened.
People were writing all kinds of notes on his wall. The seminary put a place on their forums where people could write notes for his relatives and for Liz but very few people did. Instead, they posted them to his Facebook. And so did Liz. It was very eerie. Grieving that has traditionally been done in private was done in public by many people. Even now, a month later, people are still posting to his wall.
In many ways, Facebook has made it possible for us to keep the memories of loved ones more alive than ever before. But it also seems to prolong the grieving process, at least for me. I've lost other friends before, but a few months after the funeral the memories started to fade. With Facebook, it seems almost like those individuals are still alive and I have to remind myself that while they still live in heaven, I can never again see them here on earth. That just seems to make the loss feel fresh all over again.
Whether for better or for worse, Facebook has certainly changed the dynamics of grieving the loss of a loved one. I already have two friends on FB who cannot respond to me any longer. Let's pray that they're the only two like that for a long time!
Friday, June 26, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Ichthus 2009
This weekend, the little town of Wilmore, KY hosted the Ichthus Festival. This festival brought in roughly 20,000 people over the span of three days. This just blows my mind because Wilmore's total population is around 6,000 most of the year. I'd heard of Ichthus, but I'd never had the opportunity to attend since it's about 800 miles from Jacksonville. Luckily for me, I'm spending my summer working at the seminary so I had the opportunity to volunteer. Volunteering is a great way to see the festival since 9 hours of your time gets you and a friend $119 wristbands good for the weekend.
I was initially going to volunteer as an Alter Minister. Alter Ministers are the people who sit and pray with those either after an alter call, or if someone just wanders up to one of the prayer tents. This didn't sound totally up my ally, but I figured that I should be able to handle this since I'm in seminary and they work hard to recruit seminarians for the job. One of my good friends from the dorm, Tom, has volunteered that past several years with Ichthus, so I asked him if he'd done it and asked what he thought of it. He said it was an interesting experience, but that last year he worked as a Stage Chaplain. He went on to say that working as a Stage Chaplain was an amazing experience and he wished he could do it again this year (which was not possible since he's doing his CPE in Indiana). He explained that Stage Chaplains are there to minister thru prayer at each stage, and that they're particularly there for the bands and crew. He told me a couple of stories and really piqued my interest in it. But, there were only 14 Stage Chaplains last year and I figured it'd be impossible for me to do that. But while arranging this might have been impossible for me to do, nothing is impossible for God.
A couple of week later, another friend of mine, Brent, asked me while we were at work if I'd like to be a Chaplain. One of his friends is the Head Chaplain, and he was short several people. This is because this year was Ihcthus' 40th anniversary and they had decided to have 7 stages instead of 4. Brent and I talked about it, and I told him to sign me up!
A few days later, I went to a training session. That training session left me with a sense of great inadequacy. This little voice in my head kept telling me there was no way I could possibly fill this role. I was a mere first year Seminary student with a long way to go, no experience, and some issues in my life that would have to stop me from doing this. As I talked with Tom a little bit about what the role would entail, he encouraged me that I could do this job and it would be a lot of fun.
Boy was Tom ever right. I worked all day today as the Chaplain at Indie Stage #1. I was initially pretty bummed about this assignment. Whoever was working the Main Stage got to meet and pray with groups like Kutless, Skillet, and Delirious. Some of these groups were paid as much as $70,000 to play a show and many are extremely famous in the Christian community. Those on the Indie stage, however, were not getting paid big bucks to play. Almost all are practically unknown, and many actually paid to play there. I was thinking, "Awww man, some of the Chaplains are hanging with famous people, and I'm hanging out with nobodys." Last night, God pointed out to me that these groups loved Him too and wanted nothing more than to play some great music for some people and share the love and gifts God had given them.
As I prepared to go to work today, I was praying for God to use me to touch some lives. What a selfish prayer for he knew that's not what I needed.
You see, I've been really doubting my call. Most of my friends are extremely confidant that they know exactly what God's called them to. Many of them have scholarships, and many more seem to have a confidence I just can't seem to find. Today really turned that around for me.
When I first arrived at Ichthus, I set out to locate my boss, Robert. He wasn't around, but I was early so I decided to go explore some more. Within a few seconds, he and Lisa, another Chaplain, "stumbled" upon me. They gave me some instructions, got me my badge, clipboard, and meal tickets (that's right, they PAID for my food today!). The prayed over me and then took me to my stage. I spent about 5 minutes wandering around feeling pretty lost and then decided to introduce myself to the crew. After all, I was going to be there all day and so were they so we might as well meet. Plus, I was hoping they'd let me pray for them. While the engineer declined, Chuck, one of the roadies showed me around and started chatting with me. Chuck told me that he and the other roadie/stage tech Kyle were from Ohio and a part of a Christian rehab group recovering from addictions. Chuck was a blessing and a half! He always had a smile, would chat with anyone, and immensely helpful answering my questions. I started walking around at introducing myself as the stage chaplain and told everyone to get me if they needed anything, especially prayer since that was the primary focus of my job. The first band I met was a group named Forerunner. The lead singer, Ryan, started chatting with me and asked where I'm from. Turns out he's also originally from Florida, and that he recently recieved his M.Div from Wesley Biblical Seminary and is ordained. He then told me that another guy also had his M.Div and ordination, and that the other two were Licensed Local Pastors and working on their M.Divs. Talk about an intimidating bunch. Here they are working in a church, playing all over the place, and I'm supposed to be there for THEM?! Thankfully, they were all super friendly and encouraging. While they were unloading, the first act came up and started to get ready to play. They were older and just didn't seem like they were going to be good musicians. Before they started their set, the asked me up on stage and I prayed a short prayer with them all the while feelign very out of place. Once again, I was wrong. Casper, the lead singer, was an AMAZING guitarist. Seriously, he was good! After they were done, Casper came up to me, gave me a hug, and thanked me for praying with them and being there for them. I was not ready for that. It gave me confidence that maybe I was where I was supposed to be that day. They may have only had a few people there to watch, but they touched me not through their music, but through their interaction with me.
As the day progressed, this seemed to happen again and again. Every single group blessed me in some way, and they continued to give me confidence. Later, I got to chat with a couple of other Chaplains, and they mentioned that on the bigger stages they only got a few seconds with each group. I, on the other hand, got to spend a lot of time with some of the groups. Each one showed me somethign special and really encouraged me that just maybe I was on the right track.
I know that God must have known exactly what I needed at this point in my life. While I'm still unsure of where God will take me, or what he wants me to do, I'm positive I'm on the right track. Today reminded me of several things.
The first is the power of prayer. While I may not feel that my prayers were any good, or very effective, I know that God heard them and used them in ways I cannot immagine.
The second is that ministry is not about doing things. It's about building relationships with people. Had I been on a bigger stage with a tighter schedule, bigger named bands, and more people, I wouldn't have expereinced what I needed. The extended interaction with some of these groups really gave me a new expereince.
The third thing I that I do not need to worry about where God will place me. He may give me an opportunity far outside my comfort zone much like today, but that his plans are always going to be better than mine.
Wow! That was really long and rambling. I just needed to get this down before I forgot or the "high" wore off.
I was initially going to volunteer as an Alter Minister. Alter Ministers are the people who sit and pray with those either after an alter call, or if someone just wanders up to one of the prayer tents. This didn't sound totally up my ally, but I figured that I should be able to handle this since I'm in seminary and they work hard to recruit seminarians for the job. One of my good friends from the dorm, Tom, has volunteered that past several years with Ichthus, so I asked him if he'd done it and asked what he thought of it. He said it was an interesting experience, but that last year he worked as a Stage Chaplain. He went on to say that working as a Stage Chaplain was an amazing experience and he wished he could do it again this year (which was not possible since he's doing his CPE in Indiana). He explained that Stage Chaplains are there to minister thru prayer at each stage, and that they're particularly there for the bands and crew. He told me a couple of stories and really piqued my interest in it. But, there were only 14 Stage Chaplains last year and I figured it'd be impossible for me to do that. But while arranging this might have been impossible for me to do, nothing is impossible for God.
A couple of week later, another friend of mine, Brent, asked me while we were at work if I'd like to be a Chaplain. One of his friends is the Head Chaplain, and he was short several people. This is because this year was Ihcthus' 40th anniversary and they had decided to have 7 stages instead of 4. Brent and I talked about it, and I told him to sign me up!
A few days later, I went to a training session. That training session left me with a sense of great inadequacy. This little voice in my head kept telling me there was no way I could possibly fill this role. I was a mere first year Seminary student with a long way to go, no experience, and some issues in my life that would have to stop me from doing this. As I talked with Tom a little bit about what the role would entail, he encouraged me that I could do this job and it would be a lot of fun.
Boy was Tom ever right. I worked all day today as the Chaplain at Indie Stage #1. I was initially pretty bummed about this assignment. Whoever was working the Main Stage got to meet and pray with groups like Kutless, Skillet, and Delirious. Some of these groups were paid as much as $70,000 to play a show and many are extremely famous in the Christian community. Those on the Indie stage, however, were not getting paid big bucks to play. Almost all are practically unknown, and many actually paid to play there. I was thinking, "Awww man, some of the Chaplains are hanging with famous people, and I'm hanging out with nobodys." Last night, God pointed out to me that these groups loved Him too and wanted nothing more than to play some great music for some people and share the love and gifts God had given them.
As I prepared to go to work today, I was praying for God to use me to touch some lives. What a selfish prayer for he knew that's not what I needed.
You see, I've been really doubting my call. Most of my friends are extremely confidant that they know exactly what God's called them to. Many of them have scholarships, and many more seem to have a confidence I just can't seem to find. Today really turned that around for me.
When I first arrived at Ichthus, I set out to locate my boss, Robert. He wasn't around, but I was early so I decided to go explore some more. Within a few seconds, he and Lisa, another Chaplain, "stumbled" upon me. They gave me some instructions, got me my badge, clipboard, and meal tickets (that's right, they PAID for my food today!). The prayed over me and then took me to my stage. I spent about 5 minutes wandering around feeling pretty lost and then decided to introduce myself to the crew. After all, I was going to be there all day and so were they so we might as well meet. Plus, I was hoping they'd let me pray for them. While the engineer declined, Chuck, one of the roadies showed me around and started chatting with me. Chuck told me that he and the other roadie/stage tech Kyle were from Ohio and a part of a Christian rehab group recovering from addictions. Chuck was a blessing and a half! He always had a smile, would chat with anyone, and immensely helpful answering my questions. I started walking around at introducing myself as the stage chaplain and told everyone to get me if they needed anything, especially prayer since that was the primary focus of my job. The first band I met was a group named Forerunner. The lead singer, Ryan, started chatting with me and asked where I'm from. Turns out he's also originally from Florida, and that he recently recieved his M.Div from Wesley Biblical Seminary and is ordained. He then told me that another guy also had his M.Div and ordination, and that the other two were Licensed Local Pastors and working on their M.Divs. Talk about an intimidating bunch. Here they are working in a church, playing all over the place, and I'm supposed to be there for THEM?! Thankfully, they were all super friendly and encouraging. While they were unloading, the first act came up and started to get ready to play. They were older and just didn't seem like they were going to be good musicians. Before they started their set, the asked me up on stage and I prayed a short prayer with them all the while feelign very out of place. Once again, I was wrong. Casper, the lead singer, was an AMAZING guitarist. Seriously, he was good! After they were done, Casper came up to me, gave me a hug, and thanked me for praying with them and being there for them. I was not ready for that. It gave me confidence that maybe I was where I was supposed to be that day. They may have only had a few people there to watch, but they touched me not through their music, but through their interaction with me.
As the day progressed, this seemed to happen again and again. Every single group blessed me in some way, and they continued to give me confidence. Later, I got to chat with a couple of other Chaplains, and they mentioned that on the bigger stages they only got a few seconds with each group. I, on the other hand, got to spend a lot of time with some of the groups. Each one showed me somethign special and really encouraged me that just maybe I was on the right track.
I know that God must have known exactly what I needed at this point in my life. While I'm still unsure of where God will take me, or what he wants me to do, I'm positive I'm on the right track. Today reminded me of several things.
The first is the power of prayer. While I may not feel that my prayers were any good, or very effective, I know that God heard them and used them in ways I cannot immagine.
The second is that ministry is not about doing things. It's about building relationships with people. Had I been on a bigger stage with a tighter schedule, bigger named bands, and more people, I wouldn't have expereinced what I needed. The extended interaction with some of these groups really gave me a new expereince.
The third thing I that I do not need to worry about where God will place me. He may give me an opportunity far outside my comfort zone much like today, but that his plans are always going to be better than mine.
Wow! That was really long and rambling. I just needed to get this down before I forgot or the "high" wore off.
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